U.K. here I come!

Okay, I am not really going to England, but found out this week that my book is.  I have a copyright, and ISBN number and 2011 publication release date for both the U.S. and Europe from Routledge Press.  That was something I had not expected, but is a big, big, big cherry on top of getting the book done and into production.  Wowie zowie. Everyone needs one really nice thing to be grateful for now and then, and I am grateful and pleased. It feels like the reward for believing in my ability to finish and make it "my" book over so many years. Exhale. . . again.

Good Vibrations!

I felt so good today!. . . I do not understand why and I am not going to ask; just going to embrace the blessing:) But I do kinda wonder if it's because I got my new bioidentical hormone butt implant recently.  Ha! Cheers. . 

Nostalgia

I missed my 34th class reunion last weekend and it sent me into a bit of a tailspin of homesickness, some regret for not going and some relief  that I did not.  Thinking about high school is a mixed bag for me.  I would have loved to see many of the people whose faces I have seen in pictures posted, and there is but one person I would not have liked to see at all.  The story is very, very old and has little relevance for my life today, but there is something about seeing the big smile on a face of someone I just plain don't like for reasons that are as old as the story that made me a little angry all over again. Don't get me wrong--I am not derailed, and in fact have so enjoyed seeing photographs of a true community of people that have genuine affection for one another. 

I think my tailspin has to do with having most of my family and several friends far away on the west coast while I am holding my breath and gathering the strength to make it through another Chicago winter.  I do not think I had realized quite how much this cycle of seasons affects my overall sense of well-being and what it is possible to do on a day to day basis.  It is fall now, and we had a beautiful summer and these days are special as the trees begin to show different colored leaves, the mornings become cooler and evenings grow dark earlier now. I like this time of year because for me it has always been a time of new beginnings and the excitement of another calendar year, set by the inception of a new school year.  I have lived on this clock since I was a little girl because my family's life during my growing years did too.  My father was in education, so September was always the beginning of the year.

I began this new year in late August and have been sprinting through the weeks with meetings, a new crop of students and new projects I have been tasked to do.  Every year I say, "I love my new students" and every year it has been no less true than the last.  They keep me young, spirited and feeling like I have something to share and give to the world.  My work as a mother is not over, but I am at odds without the daily comings and goings of daughters in my home.  My circle of friends in Chicago has shrunk--partly because of this stage of my life, partly because the people I like most are part of my work life, so a certain professional distance is appropriate and necessary.  I also realize that I have changed--I have little to say to some of the girlfriends who reach out to me and a lot of affection for others I would love to reconnect with.  There are more of the latter than former.

I have less time outside of work, too.  I am having a lot of difficulty still adjusting to a year-round position that leaves me 48 hours on a weekend to do my household upkeep, do a bit of self-care and relaxation and let go of the week's responsibilities.  I am able to let go of work responsibilities, but have been ridiculously inept at the upkeep and self-care. This does not feel good, but I am having an impossible time figuring out how to make it better. There  are  only so many hours in the day and I am very, very tired by the time the weekend comes around. I am trying not to lose Saturdays to rumination and sleep, but they pass like that. Then I find myself getting to bed early so that on Sunday I can make  up for all I didn't do Saturday, and the week's quick cycle begins again, leaving a bread trail of things undone, letters not written, little packages not sent, shopping not done, a refrigerator unfilled, mail not read, friends not seen and phone calls made sporadically returned.  I am lonely for one good conversation with somebody I care about. 

I am glad that it is football season again because I love to watch Bears games and share them through the miles with my father.  I ball up on the couch, turn the game on and lose myself in their successes and missed opportunities, talked about at half-time with dad, and then again at the end of the game.  This is my one great weekend pleasures, but I think if I said this to anyone they would wonder at the uneventfulness of my life.  But my life has been eventful. . . too eventful at times, and I have never taken so much pleasure in adopting an attitude of "I just don't want to" and then following through with it  to the extreme.  I have a friend who is taking trapeze classes, another who teaches beading, a daughter who is bestowing mad love into the life of her family and another who is adopting a kitten, moving, buying a new car, working full time, nurturing a new marriage and looking for new workout programs. I have a 78 year old father who golfs three times a week, finishes a short stack of books in the same time frame, pops by to see his grandchildren periodically and rises at 5:00 a.m. to go walk four miles at the gym.  It is this knowledge that gives me the feeling that I am still not doing enough.  I'm not if we're talking about playing.  To some  extent my work is play because I like it so much, but I need new and different kinds of play.  Oh heck, maybe I'll sign up for trapeze classes too.  To be continued. . .